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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

The Billboard Song

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As I was walking down the street one dark and dreary day,
I came upon a billboard and much to my dismay,
The sign was torn and tattered from the storm the night before.
The wind and rain had done its work and this is what I saw:

Smoke Coca-cola cigarettes, chew Wrigley's Spearmint Beer,
Kennel Ration dog food makes your complexion clear.
Simonize your baby with a Hershey's candy bar,
And Texaco's the beauty cream that's used by all the stars.

So, take your next vacation in a brand new Frigidaire,
Play a Hammond organ in your Damart underwear.
Doctors say that babies should smoke until they're three,
And people over 65 should bathe in Lipton Tea!