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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Can't Remember

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Three older ladies were discussing the problems of getting older.

One declares, "Sometimes I catch myself in front of the refrigerator with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand and can't remember whether I'm putting it away or taking it out."

The second lady chimes in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember if I'm on my way up or down."

The third one responds, "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood," and she raps her knuckles on the table. "That must be someone at the door, I'll get it!"