Family Safe Jokes

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Animal One Liners

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Q: What do you do when a pig has a heart attack?
A: You call an hambulance!

Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: Porkchop!

A man was draining the old gasoline from his lawn mower.
A dog came along and started lapping it up.
The dog ran down the street a bit and then fell over.. the dog ran out of gas!!!!

Q. What kind of books do owls like?
A. Hoo-dunits.

Q. What kind of bird is always sad?
A. A Blue Jay

Q: What's a chicken in a hot tub?
A: Soup

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."