Family Safe Jokes

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Barbies You'll Never See

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  • Crash Test Barbie ...comes with car and brick wall
  • Opera Barbie ...complete with the horns and the brass brassiere
  • Marie Antionette Barbie ...with removable head; guillotine included
  • Hiroshima Barbie ...just a shadow of her former self
  • East German Swim Team Barbie ...a Barbie head on a Ken doll
  • Frozen Barbie on a Stick your grocer's frozen food section
  • Forrest Gump Ken ...pull his string and he complains for two and a half boring hours
  • Divorce Barbie ...includes the house, the car, and half of Ken's belongings
  • Broken Bungee Barbie ...Barbie doll lying broken on the pavement
  • FrankenBarbie ...comes with bolts through her neck
  • Shock Therapy Barbie battery and wires included
  • Samuel L. Jackson Ken ...he'll get medieval on you
  • Manic-Depressive Barbie ...with a set of Oriental throwing knives
  • Biker Barbie ...complete with leathers and tattoos
  • Fat Barbie the following three varieties: Big Butt Barbie, Love Handles Barbie, More Chins than a Chinese Phone Book Barbie
  • Eye Patch Barbie ...with a choice of eye patch colors: purple, hot pink, or aqua!
  • Politically Incorrect Barbie ...pull the string and she loudly blurts all your favorite racial slurs
  • Death Row Barbie ...comes complete with cell; raunchy cellmate sold separately
  • Grunge Barbie ...with flannel shirt and a goatee
  • Homeless Barbie ...complete with stolen K-Mart shopping cart
  • Tattoo Barbie ...with tattoos you can apply!
  • Venus de Milo Barbie ...made of rock; no head, no arms