Maineiac

ON FIGHTING:

• "I'll kick your butt!"
  Translation: "I'm gonna get about 20 of my frat buddies together and we're gonna wield bats and hope we can catch you asleep under a tree so we can beat you up!"
• "I've never lost a fight."
  Translation: "I've never been in a fight."
• "I'm about to introduce you to a world of pain."
  Translation: "I'm gonna get a football player to beat you up."
• "Surely we can talk this out like rational human beings."
  Translation: "Not the face! Not the face!"
• "I believe in a fair fight."
  Translation: "We'll start the fight when my back up arrives."

ON EDUCATION:

• "By taking the initiative to go on to a university and further my education, I hope to broaden my horizons, open new eployment opportunities, and be a better person on the whole."
  Translation: "I'm here for the beer."

ON MEETING WOMEN:

• "Would you like to dance?"
  Translation: "Please give me a reason to touch you."
• "That's a very interesting name you have."
  Translation: "That's a very interesting name you have. Of course, in five minutes, I'll be so absorbed by alcohol and staring at your legs that I won't remember it."

ON RELATIONSHIPS:

• "I think I love you."
  Translation: "God, I hope I wasn't stupid enough to give you my real phone number."

ON SOCIAL ISSUES:

• "I totally agree with your stance and am angered how my race has oppressed you for so long."
  Translation: "Just because I can't make you sit at the back of the bus does not mean I have to like you."
• "The plight of your people is truly an awe-inspiring tale."
  Translation: "I hate you [insert appropriate racial slur here]."
• "I want you to know that despite our color differences, I think of you as a brother."
  Translation: "Please don't mug me."
• "Not enough people take birth control seriously."
  Translation: "So what if it IS my kid, I don't see how it's my problem."
• "Something needs to be done about the homeless problem in our country."
  Translation: "Can't we shoot them or something?"
• "It breaks my heart to think somewhere in the world, a small child will go to bed without his dinner again tonight."
  Translation: "Better him than me."

ON RELIGION:

• "I respect Christianity. Jesus was a great man, full of love and patience. The hate he had to endure, and yet he still loved us all. He truly was the Son of God."
  Translation: "Anyone who turns water to wine can't be all bad."