Maineiac

Kid Fact: No matter how many times you ask Mom for a new toy and she says no, there's always a solution with Dad! - Submitted by Paula L. Clair

While on vacation with her family in Montana, a mother drove her van past a church in a small town. She pointed to it and, told the children that it was the First Baptist Church. "It must be a franchise," her eight-year-old son said. "We've got one of those in our town too."

The boy came skipping into the house with a big lollipop in his hands. "Where did you get that?" his mother asked. "I bought it with the nickel you gave me." - "The nickel I gave you was for Sunday School." - "I know Mom," said the boy, "but the minister met me at the door and got me in free."

While I was shopping in the mall with my three children, a display in the window of a lingerie store caught my eye. "Do you think Daddy would like this?" I asked the kids, as I pointed to the lacy pijamas with matching robe. "No way," my horrified six-year-old son replied. "Daddy would NEVER wear that!"

Q. What does Winnie the Pooh call his mother?
A. PoohNannie

Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he gave the teacher quite a shock - he tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking..."

Q: What did Cinderella say when her holiday snapshots were late?
A: "Someday my prints will come."

If Snow White and Cinderella both married Prince Charming, did they marry the same guy?

This weekend, while talking on the phone to my 7 year old niece, I was giving her my email address. As I was spelling out the address, I told her that she needed to add the "at" symbol, to which she replied, "Oh, you mean a capital 2?"

A small child with a bad cough was taken by her parents to a hospital emergency room. A nurse, examining the child's lungs with a stethoscope, told the child, "I have to see if Barney is in there." The child replied, "Barney is on my underwear."

My kids love surfing the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on sticky notes. One day I noticed their password was "BatmanSupermanRobinJoker" so I asked why it was so long. "Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

This lady decides to take her young and impish son to the local swimming pool. They are having a good time until one of the lifeguards walks up to the mother and asks the her to make her young son stop urinating in the pool. "Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool! " - "Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board?!"

A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets and someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" The girl said, "I don't know....I don't eat cats."