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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Stupid Stunts #2

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LOUISIANA - A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

UTAH - A 24-year-old man was arrested after his girlfriend accidentally tipped him off to police. She was merely trying to reach him on his cell phone to find out where he was. The problem was that the criminal left his cell phone at the crime scene. Police noticed the phone ringing during the middle of their investigation and answered. The girlfriend asked, "Are you with [the suspect]?" Police replied, "No, but we will be shortly." Lt. Doug Edwards told reporters about the difficulty of being a criminal. "A life of crime is pretty tough. It's even tougher when you're stupid."

NORTH MIAMI BEACH, Florida - In a valiant and, unfortunately, successful effort, a bank robber in Florida made out with a bag of cash after a couple of painful mishaps. Not only did the man accidentally shoot himself with the semi-automatic pistol that he threatened the cashier with, he was then hit by a van as he fled the bank. The man was helped out from underneath the vehicle by unsuspecting pedestrians and proceeded to escape in an awaiting getaway car. Police are now hot on the case in search of a rich man with a bullet wound and tire tracks.

BRNO, Czechoslovakia - A Czech prisoner could end up serving a longer sentence after guards heard voices coming from his backside. Prison wardens in Brno say they discovered the 48-year-old had hidden a tiny walky-talky up his butt. He was allegedly using it to communicate with his wife to arrange bribes for investigators and lawyers involved in the case against him. She would park her car a few hundred meters from the prison every day. "I have worked here since 1996 but I can't recollect ever finding anything stuck in such parts," said Sona Haluzova, spokeswoman for the Brno prison.

ILLINOIS - A 42-year-old, Wood River, Illinois, man was sentenced to 12 years in prison after robbing the same pharmacy he hit 20 years ago. Robert Crosno's 1982 robbery attempt also failed. He served six years in prison. The kicker? The clerk he held-up in 1982, Vicki Meyers, still worked at the pharmacy this time around. Meyers is not happy Crosno could be paroled after six years. "In six years I won't be retired yet," she said.

MADRAS, India - Residents of a southern Indian village allowed their children to by buried alive as part of a ritual "thanksgiving" service to two Hindu goddesses. In preparation for the ritual the children endured intensive prayer sessions and a 30-day fast. Before being buried, the children were rendered unconscious from the preparations. A good thing, too! If the children were not unconscious by the time they were to be buried, the families would be charged a 35 dollar blasphemy fee each. They were only underground for a brief time and suffered no ill-effects.

GAINESVILLE, Fla. - Marcus Isom claimed a spiritual advisor from Miss Cleo's psychic hotline led him to kill the wrong man. Apparently Isom believed the man he killed, Lemuel James Larkin, had stolen $15,000 in drug money from him and ordered his death to retaliate. Isom has been sentenced to life in prision. Miss Cleo declined to comment.

TOKYO - A 13-year-old boy told his father someone broke into his home and started a fire in the living room. The father reported the crime to police. After police investigated and found no evidence of a burglary, the boy admitted to making up the story to cover up the fact he didn't do his homework. He even put fire to a stack of newspapers and a computer. Talk about going the distance.

LOS ANGELES - Tyrone Jermaine Hogan picked the wrong car to mess with when he attempted to carjack the Florida Inter- national University judo team. After having completed one carjacking that evening, Hogan drove six blocks to a service station where he encountered a member of the team and attempted to reach in the van and steal the keys. The men proceeded to wrestle him to the floor until the police got there. "We had this guy like a pretzel on the ground," said instructor Nestor Bustillo. Looks like Hogan needs to go back to carjacking school.

SANTO DOMINGO, Dominican Republic - When flying into the United States it's better not to make comments to your fellow passengers to the effect of, "It's much easier to smuggle weapons onto planes in the Dominican Republic." The unidentified man made the comment to two North American passengers just moments after takeoff. They wasted no time in informing the flight crew that a potential maniac was on board and the pilots landed the plane immediately. Police arrested the passenger on the ground, but discovered he was not armed with any weapons, or wits for that matter.