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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

You Really Can't Take It With You

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A very wealthy man is on his death bed. He calls for his doctor, priest, and lawyer.

When the three of them arrive, he says to them: "I know they say you can't take it with you, but I want to try. There are three bags over there. Each has $100,000 in it. I want each of you to take a bag, and at my funeral, throw the bag in my coffin just before they close it."

The next day, the man dies. At the funeral, just before the coffin is closed, the three men each drop their bag in the coffin.

After the funeral, the three are talking. The priest says: "I feel so terrible. We are building a new church, and the building fund was $10,000 short, so I took that much out of my bag before placing it in the coffin."

The doctor says: "I feel bad, too. My hospital is building a new wing, and we are also short on funds. I took $15,000 from my bag to help complete the new wing."

The lawyer says: "You cheapskates! I can't believe you!! I put a check for the full amount in my bag!"