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A Maineiac
Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.
Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.
It's Great To Be A Guy
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
- You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
- You can leave the motel bed unmade.
- You can kill your own food.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You don't have to clean if the meter reader is coming.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
- Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
- Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.
- You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
- Your pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
- You know which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- You almost never have strap problems in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You don't have to shave below your neck.
- Gas (at either end) is cool.
- Your belly usually hides your big hips.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
