Family Safe Jokes

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Politically Correct Insults

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Ever want to call someone stupid, but want to do it in a way that is politically correct? Here are some great suggestions sent in by various people:

  • A few cards short of a full deck
  • A few clowns short of a circus
  • A few fries short of a Happy Meal
  • An experiment in artificial stupidity
  • A few beers short of a six pack
  • Dumber than a box of hair
  • A few peas short of a casserole
  • Doesn't have all his Cornflakes in one box
  • The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead
  • One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
  • One taco short of a combination plate
  • A few feathers short of a whole duck
  • All foam, no beer
  • The cheese slid off his cracker
  • Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel
  • Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt
  • Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
  • Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
  • He fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down
  • An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
  • As smart as bait
  • Chimney's clogged
  • Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash
  • Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair
  • Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor
  • Forgot to pay his brain bill
  • Her sewing machine's out of thread
  • His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels
  • His belt doesn't go through all the loops
  • If he had another brain, it would be lonely
  • Missing a few buttons on his remote control
  • No grain in the silo
  • Proof that evolution can go in reverse
  • Receiver is off the hook
  • Several nuts short of a full pouch
  • Sky light leaks a little
  • Slinky's kinked
  • Surfing in Nebraska
  • Too much yardage between the goal posts