Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from too many tea parties. I hate to break it to you Santa, but it is DEFINITELY pay back time!! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you don't want to be around to smell it!) So, here's my holiday wish list for this year, Santa.
- Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder and thrash on the floor.
- Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to get off.
- Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.
- Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, "Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town..."
Submitted by Tom Sullivan
On April Fool's Day, or any day for that matter...
Standing at the kitchen sink, take the removable water hose used for squirting into glasses, or spraying off left-over food from dishes, and tape the nozzle into the "ON" position with scotch tape or black electrical tape and then reset the nozzle in its place in the sink with the nozzle facing out toward the place you are standing.