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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

You May Be Getting Old If...

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  • You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
  • You are proud of your lawn mower.
  • Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and isn't breaking any laws.
  • Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
  • You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
  • You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
  • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  • Neighbors borrow your tools.
  • People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did i wake you?"
  • The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
  • You wear black socks with sandals.
  • Your ears are hairier than your head.
  • You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
  • You go bowling without drinking.
  • You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
  • You feel like the night before and didn't even go out.
  • A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge
  • Dialing long distance tires you out.
  • You decide to procrastinate but never get around to it.
  • Everything hurts, and when it doesn't, it doesn't work.
  • Your little black book only contains names ending in MD.
  • You get winded playing chess.
  • You join a health club and don't go.
  • You're still chasing women, but can't remember why.
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can't fulfill.
  • You know all the answers but no one asks the questions.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • You turn out the light for economic, not romantic reasons.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't make it go.
  • Your knees buckle but your belt doesn't.
  • You're 17 around the neck, 43 around the waist and 100 around the golf course.
  • After painting the town red you have to take a nap before a 2nd coat.
  • A lot of room in the house, but none in the medicine cabinet.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
  • You finally know your way around and don't feel like going.
  • Everything is farther away than it used to be and it's twice as far to the corner than it used to be and they've added a hill.
  • You give up running for the bus because it leaves much faster than it used to.
  • Stairs are much steeper than they used to be and they're using smaller print in the papers.
  • New clothes are getting smaller in the hips and waist.
  • Everyone speaks so low you can't hear them.
  • People are much younger than they were when you were their age, but people your age are older than your are.
  • You meet an old friend who has aged so much she doesn't recognize you.