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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Swimming the English Channel

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A blonde woman was in a competition to swim across the English Channel.

Her competitors in the Breast Stroke division were a brunette woman and a redheaded woman.

The brunette came in first, the redhead a few minutes later.

Just as the sun was setting, the blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.

After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."