Maineiac

Family Safe Jokes

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Quips & Quotes on Computers

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How to Get DOS to Run
C:\>
C:\>DOS
C:\>DOS\run
"Run Dos Run!!!"

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world:
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

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Did you hear about the Microsoft crystal ball?
Ask it something and it replies: "Answer unclear. Add 20 Meg of RAM and ask again later."

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How many MS engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just define darkness as an industry standard!

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Dad was teaching little Johnny, age 5, how to buckle and unbuckle the seat belt. "Just click the square," the daddy said. "Okay," said Johnny, "Is it a single or double click?"

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A television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

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MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs.

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Q:Why don't fish go near computers?
A:Because they are afraid to be caught in the internet!

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Some say a computer is a woman, if you do something wrong, they'll remember every bit of it. Some say a computer is a man, if you had just waited one more week, you could have gotten a better model for less.

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"Hey Bill, I heard you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet!" - "No kidding? How much memory will it take up?" - "Not much, just two Bytes."

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Frequently asked questions for Etch-a-Sketch technical support...
Q: My Etch-a-Sketch has funnly little lines all over the screen. What should I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-a-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a new document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-a-sketch document?
A: Don't shake it!

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"f u cn rd ths u mst uz unix"
- Unknown

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A man attempting to set up his new printer called the tech support number complaining about the error message: "Can't find the printer." On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it!

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"My theory is that a computer interface should hurt the user. So I designed new sounds into the product. We've got 'Sound of Puking' 'Fingernails on Blackboard' and 'Bird Hitting Window' -- But suppose the user does something WRONG. Then we have the sound of a puking bird hitting a blackboard."
- Scott Adams

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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
- Unknown

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I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone.
- Bjarne Stronstrup (originator of C++ programming language)