Maineiac

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Long Live The Lawyer?

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A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band.

Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says, "Congratulations!!!"

"Congratulations for what?" asks the lawyer.

"Congratulations for what?!" says Saint Peter. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old!"

"But that's not true," says the lawyer. "I only lived to be forty."

"That's impossible," says Saint Peter. "We've added up your time sheets."