Maineiac

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?" - "Well... as a matter if fact, Yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."

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Where there's smoke... you'll find my wife cooking dinner.

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"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me."
- Winston Churchill

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The Harvard School of Medicine did a study to determine why married women love Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is: Not Now.

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Never stop courting your spouse.
- Unknown

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Tom had proposed to young Maureen and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. "Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor. "Yes, sir," replied Tom, "I am." - "Well," said Maureen's father, "think carefully now. There are six of us."

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"My wife finally convinced me to sign what's called a living will. It's a document that gives her the right, if I become attached to some mechanical device, to terminate my life. So yesterday, I'm on the exercise bike..."
- Jonathan Katz

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Relationships are built on the little things.
- Unknown

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An unmarried girl who worked in a busy office arrived one morning and began passing out big cigars and candy, both tied with blue ribbons. When asked what the occasion was, she proudly displayed a new diamond solitaire ring on her third finger, left hand, and announced, "It's a boy, six feet tall and 190 pounds!"

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MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

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"I once worked with a guy named George who, for Christmas, gave his wife, for her big gift - and I am not making this gift up - a chain saw. (As he later explained: 'Hey, we NEEDED a chain saw.') Fortunately, the saw was not operational when his wife unwrapped it."
- Dave Barry