Maineiac

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A Maineiac

Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.

Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.

Atheist

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An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. The  monster then opened its mouth while waiting below to swallow man  and boat.

As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast he cried out,"Oh,my God! Help me!"



Suddenly, the scene froze in place. As the atheist hung in mid air, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said,"I thought you didn't believe in me!"

"God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

"Well," said God, "now that you are a believer you must understand that I won't work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the  jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts. What would you have me do?"

The atheist thinks for a minute and then says, "God, please have  the Loch Ness Monster believe in You also." God replies,"So be it."  The scene starts in motion again with the atheist falling towards the ravenous jaws of the ferocious beast.

Then the Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says, "Lord, bless this food You have so graciously provided....."