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A Maineiac
Mainer = A person who stays in Maine for an entire winter.
Maineiac = A person who doesn't have the sense to leave Maine after the 1st winter.
People know you are from Arizona when...
- You buy salsa by the gallon.
- Your Christmas decorations include a half a yard of sand and l00 paper bags.
- You think a red traffic light is merely a suggestion.
- All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
- You think someone driving a car wearing oven mitts is clever.
- Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or Los".
- You think 60 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
- You've signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can't remember the name of the incumbent.
- You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
- Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.
- You can say "Hohokam" and people don't think you're laughing funny.
- You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
- You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River.
- You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
- You can say, "115" degrees without fainting.
- Every other vehicle is a 4x4.
- You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over l00 degrees.
- Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
- People break out coats when the temperature drops below 70 degrees.
- You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
- The pool can be warmer than you are.
- You can make sun tea instantly.
- You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
- Most homes have more firearms than people.
- Kids will ask, "What's a mosquito?"
- People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out-of-state.
- You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
- The AC is on your list of best friends.
- Monday Night Football starts at 7:00 instead of 6:00.
- You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
- You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
- The water from the cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.
- You can (correctly) pronounce the words: "Saguaro," "Ocotillo," "Tempe," "Gila Bend," "San Xavier," "Canyon de Chelly," "Mogollon Rim," "Cholla," and "Ajo."
- It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is walking on the streets.
- You experience third degree burns if you touch any metal part of your car.
- You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts.
- Announcements for Fourth of July events never end with "in case of rain......"
- When someone asks how far you live from a location, it's always in terms of minutes, not miles.
- Everyone's smiling and talking about the great weather on rainy days.
