Maineiac

To repeat what others have said requires education; to challenge it requires a brain.
- Unknown

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Plan ahead - it wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark!
- Unknown

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
- Unknown

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Why should a person suffer in silence when they can moan, cry, whimper and complain?
- Unknown

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Faith is believing in something common sense tells us not to.
- Unknown

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You can't scare me - I'm a school bus driver!
- Unknown

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Death is life's way of telling you that you're fired!
- Unknown

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You know you're getting old when the candles on the cake cost more than the birthday cake!
- Unknown

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Love is like a blind elephant, if it doesn't find a way, it will make a way.
- Unknown

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Patience is the ability to count down before blasting off.
- Unknown

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A pessimist looks at life through morose-colored glasses.
- Unknown

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A man who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery is an optimist.
- Unknown

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Many find that things can be done in a day if they don't always make that day tomorrow.
- Unknown

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I finally quit smoking by using the patch. I put six of them over my mouth.
- Wendy Liebman

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When I fly, I always fly first class. Not the whole way but just 'til they kick me out."
- Pauly Shore

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With the kind of shape I'm in, you could donate my body to science fiction!"
- Rodney Dangerfield in "Back to School"

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Whoa man, is it a blazer out there! It's a good thing you got air conditioning in here like Mother Nature intended."
- Cousin Eddie, "National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation"

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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
- Groucho Marx

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If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time.
- Unknown

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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
- Groucho Marx

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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
- Mark Twain

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Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.
- Unknown

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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

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I have a new philosophy. I am only going to dread one day at a time.
- Charlie Brown

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The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor,' I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.'
- Roy Blount Jr.

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I never walk into a place I don't know how to walk out of.
- Robert DeNiro as Sam in "Ronin"

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My first day in basic training we were lined up in a row, each of us in turn having to shout our last names. After the guy next to me had yelled, "Florence," it was my turn. I had no sooner called out my name than the training instructor was in my face, demanding to know if I was some kind of smart aleck. Satisfied that I wasn't, the red-faced TI told me never to stand next to that guy again.
- Contributed by Charles W. Nightingale